Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
