I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
