she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
