I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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