I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
