can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
