I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
