is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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