The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
