so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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