why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
