where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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