after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
