dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
