yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me too!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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