honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
