Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
