Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
