What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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