Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
