we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
