Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
