please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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