I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
