Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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