I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
