So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
