We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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