Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
