did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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