I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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