I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize