Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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