Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
