My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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