I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
