A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
