I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
