I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
