Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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