So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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