I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
meet me or not, i'm out of control
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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