apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
