Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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