It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
