What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
