is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
