I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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