even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
