That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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