yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
