I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
