I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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