I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
