I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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