Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
