please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
