I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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