i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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